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What's more challenging than caring for children? Caring for children and aging parents. Welcome to the "sandwich generation." Here's how to survive the squeeze. By now, you should be close to enjoying the peace and quiet of an empty nest. But instead, your nest is more crowded than ever! You're part of the "sandwich generation," an emerging class of people in their 40s and 50s who are still raising children while caring for aging parents. This phenomenon is a unique product of two colliding social forces - Americans waiting longer to start their families at the same time life expectancies of older adults are rising. That's a recipe for stress, strain and exhaustion, particularly when typical sandwich generation members also work full time. Is that you? Squeezed, not squished The good news is that many folks are holding up to the pressure surprisingly well. A national survey by the AARP found that more than 70% of people ages 45 to 55 said they were able to comfortably meet their family responsibilities. Most also had an upbeat attitude and were optimistic about the future. Nevertheless, there are days when too many responsibilities and too little time and energy can get the best of anyone. No matter whether you're living under the same roof or separate ones, follow these tips for handling the overload. Making calls from the middle Get everyone involved. Do your parents need someone to run errands, mow the lawn or read to them one afternoon a week? Your children, depending on their ages, may be able to handle such tasks. Get them involved. It not only will take some of the burden off you, but also will help bring these generations together. Use community resources. Community centers and service organizations typically offer activities for both younger and older generations. For aging parents, check into home care, meal delivery and transportation services. By tapping what's available, you're giving older loved ones a chance to stay active and make friends. |
Respect each other's privacy.
The closer your living quarters, the more important it is to establish personal boundaries. So if you're all residing in the same house, make sure everyone has a space to retreat, even if only a corner. If there are no funds for major remodeling, just encourage everyone's private time - either in or away from the house. Establish a financial plan. Do you have children headed for college, or a frail parent with few resources who eventually might need long-term care? Prepare for these events as well as for your own financial security after retirement. Decide who will be responsible for which expenses. Keep detailed records for future planning and tax purposes. Take care of yourself. The middle years are a time for personal growth and self-fulfillment. Take a class or tackle that hobby you've always wanted to try. There's nothing selfish about making time for yourself. In fact, the happier you are in your own pursuits, the more you'll be able to offer others. Take care of your marriage. If you're married, chances are your spouse is feeling as overwhelmed as you. You are each other's best source of support. No matter how busy your days get, find time for just the two of you. If nothing else, resurrect that tried-and-true concept - the date. Linda Wasmer Andrews is a writer from Albuquerque, N.M., who specializes in health, psychology and the mind/body connection.
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